Your one opportunity to stalk me

Back in black

2005-08-24T03:29:49Z

I'm back from elljay hiatus. I got a new laptop. Life is so much better with a Mac. Oh Mac. How I love thee. So over Windows and viruses and anything Gates. That's all. The weather is good and school is starting soon, which excites me.

yoursforeva @ 2005-07-29T22:19:00

2005-07-30T01:47:30Z

I went to go see Must Love Dogs with the family (it was alright...ish) but at the same tiny movie theatre in Southampton they were doing the premiere of some movie.... and James Lipton was there! From the Actor's Studio! I texted Lauren and she said I should've asked him what he'd want god to say at the pearly gates. hahahaha wow.

P.S. He has enormous pores.

yoursforeva @ 2005-07-28T22:30:00

2005-07-29T02:49:49Z

You know what's weird? Spending most of the day not acting for yourself. I feel that college is one of the most self-centered times we have... you spend all of your time taking classes to further your own education, working to make your own money, living in your own space, and dealing with your own complex relationships. This is probably why college is when you "find yourself" or become the person you will be for the rest of your life. So after a year of me me me, now my day completely surrounds the wishes of two young girls and their parents. Sometimes I think like, what about meeee? Like they have these outdoor concerts in town every week, and so far it's just been bluegrass and shit but this time they had classical piano(!) and all i wanted to do was listen but the girls were constantly talking and wouldn't leave me alone to enjoy the Chopin. And then I realized, this is what it's like to be an adult, when you really can't just do whatever you please and get away with it. When you're growing up, you're told what to do but you can feasibly get out of it with just a small punishment, and what you're asked to do is usually for yourself anyway, like homework, or chores for allowance. But can you do that now? Not so much. The consequences are more severe, such as job loss, or at the worst, jail. So I realized, at that silly outdoor concert (that I've since forgotten about, another sign of "maturing" or whatever) that the threshold of adulthood is not so much gaining responsiblity and legal rights as it is a shedding of the self-centered part of our personalities. I have found that the adults with the most problems are those who can't stop obsessing over themselves and their pursuits and wants. If we cling to ourselves with pride, we'll never be able to function completely in a world that's pretty benign and indifferent to what we foolishly and secretly covet.

Location, location, location

2005-07-19T23:47:17Z

Lately I've been thinking... does location have as much to do with happiness as we think it does? For at least a year now, I've been a continually happy person (which is a good start to make up for about 18 bad to so-so years) and I've found that no matter where I go... good places like NY and Seattle, culturally bereft places like Las Vegas, places that are not my style like the OC and LA, and even the extravegant isolation of the Hamptons, once I adjust, I am pretty happy with everything and find the good in situations. So is it that if you're in a good place mentally, it doesn't matter where you are physically? Is complaining about a place "sucking" really just a projection of the discontent we feel for ourselves?

When was the last time you had a week like this?

2005-07-06T04:04:00Z

So the last couple days have been of those emotional rollercoasters that can only be caused by unforeseen and superceding events...
1) just almost got run over by one of those crazy speeding bicyclers that come out of nowhere in Central Park. a bit of life flashed before eyes as i literally hopped and skipped out of the way while not having a heart attack
2) met up with this guy dancer i used to really really like 3 years ago, only to find out that he is and always has been completely brain dead and disguistingly pompous, making me reconsider why the hell i like certain people
3) was in the passenger seat of a car accident. it was tiny and in a parking lot, but shocks you a bit nonetheless
4) was reading a book that very greatly parallels an emotionally tumultuous "relationship" from the beginning of the year, and then got an unexpected call from the guy later in the day, which is a pretty fucked up coincidence
5) while grocery shopping, the little 7 year old i babysit got bit in the lip by one of her dogs and had to get a plastic surgeon to give her at least 10 stitches because it was so deep it ripped a muscle and there's still a chance her mouth might be misshapen. there is literally nothing more sad than seeing an innocent child with an injured face. nothing.
6) on top of all of that, family grzesik is reuniting for the first time in a long, long time (years?) for my sister's wedding. i'm excited and it'll be beautiful, but bringing together a family that's been separated for quite awhile is never completely smiles and laughs. i just know they'll pick apart and judge my life that i've come to be so proud of and happy with. lovely.

Nanny update!

2005-06-28T15:15:08Z

So I just moved into the house in Southampton where I'm babysitting. The house is ridic, right on the beach with this crazy two-part pool that has this smaller section then these steps that have a little waterfall on them and then a bigger pool, a tennis/basketball court, and this outside porch thing but it's all screen so it's like the wonders of the outdoors without the effing bugs. There's 6 bedrooms and mine has cable, nightly sunsets, and enough room to do yoga and some kickboxing. And with 9 bathrooms, I don't think adult or infant diapers ever need to come into the picture. The downside is that I have to wake up at 8 (which I didn't do all year, even for calc class in the morning... which means I never went) and chase around a 7 year old energizer bunny. I also go to their country/beach club with them and there's all these unwritten(?) rules like only wearing white while playing tennis and everyone is nice and cordial with me but pretty much treat me like just the babysitter, so real conversations are few and far between... they don't even care where I go to school or what I'm majoring in or anything, as far as they're concerned I'm just the girl who watches the kids. So consequently I feel like a bit of an outsider, but maybe once I start hanging out with my friends who live out here, befriending fellow nannies, or meeting a cute tennis instructor I'll feel better about things. But besides all of that, the parents are really nice to me, get the food I like, and aren't very demanding. Plus I get 9-3 off when the little one is at camp, so I've been writing a lot and once the fog wears off I'll work on that tan. When the older one gets back from Vermont it'll be more work but she's fun and we have dance parties. It's crazy that I'm looking forward to the weekend for the first time in a long while, because in college I can just kind of go out whenever if I don't have HW or class in the morning. But now I can't go out or drink at night until the weekend so it's an interesting detox. I'm definitely not an alcoholic, but just knowing I don't even have the *option* to drink or go to a bar is kind of strange. Like high school or living at home again. Weird. That's all for now...

Why the speedos, why?

2005-06-23T01:31:53Z

I went to Laguna Beach for a couple days with my sister and the cast of her Cirque du Soleil show. It was so fun and relaxing and lovely in every way, except for all the foreign men in the show that feel the need to wear speedos at the beach. Bad bad news. Here are some pictures from the trip and others...

http://community.webshots.com/user/evalina886

In my attempts to be as un-PC as possible...

2005-06-16T09:52:32Z

...my sister sent me this clip and I thought it might cheer everyone up.

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/niggaplease.mpg

Hope you enjoyed it!

Opening Act Etiquette

2005-06-12T20:09:28Z

So last night I took the two girls I babysit (they're in Vegas for the week from NY) to the Maroon 5 concert. I was expecting, silly me, to see Maroon 5. However, per usual, there was 3 opening acts. One of which was Gavin Degraw, and I was like alright, things could be worse, I like him just fine. The first act was this horribly stereotypical rock band, The Low Millions, or whatever. Their moves were from some kind of rock manual and their album had a super creative name, "Ex-girlfriends." Nonetheless, they understood that they were an opening act, played their couple of shitty songs, shook their pathetic white asses, and left. Then came Gavin, and he was also fine, in fact a very enjoyable and talented performer, and didn't take too long. Then came the culprit. John Legend. The man kept going and going with his R&B stuff that was so plain jane, I didn't even feel like moving my ass in my seat. And that's rare for me. And he kept *bragging* about who he's written songs for (Alicia Keyes, Kanye West, blah blah) and that he *finally* has his own album out and that he's so *talented.* And kept on saying "I'm just gon' play one more song for yall, is that aight?" Of course we weren't going to be rude and say no. So after all was said and sung, Maroon 5 didn't come on until 3 hours into the show. 3 HOURS. I think you'll agree with me that it's rather excessive. Plus I was with a 12 year old and a 7 year old. The older one was troopin, but the younger had been asleep since The Low Millions' "Eleanor" (one of their ex-girlfriends, I'd assume). So we stayed for like five or six more songs, only one of which I could sing every word to (and lord knows I love doing that) and we decided to leave. I'm not mad that they wanted to leave at all. If I were 12 or 7, I probably would've too. That and their parents pay me bank, so I can't complain. I'm mad at John Legend, for having no regard for our concert-going experience. But the joke's on him; he certainly didn't gain any fans tonight.

Summer Recommendations!

2005-06-10T06:07:55Z

Here are some things that make me happy and that y'all should check out...

Books
-Anything by Fyodor Dostoevsky: The short works "The Double" and "A Dream of a Ridiculous Man" are both intense, detail-oriented stories delving into the psyches of very complex men.
-"Naked" by David Sedaris: So witty and fresh and touching and hilarious. Caution: don't read it in public; people will think you're a freak, laughing hysterically. I made this mistake at the gym. Bad news bears.
-"America (The Book)" by John Stewart: Funniest thing since cavemen invented fart noises. Nuff said.

Movies
-Sideways: A great mockery of pretentious wine drinkers. "If they order a fucking merlot, I'm leaving!"
-Closer: Very real and harsh look at love and conflict. Awesome awesome acting. Also uses a great Mozart opera as the soundtrack.
-Something's Gotta Give: Because I want to be Diane Keaton and I'll always love Jack Nicholson.
-Under the Tuscan Sun: Pretty effing tacky, but wonderful to get drunk to and imagine living in Italia as a beautiful divorcee!
-Cat on a Hot Tin Roof: Old movie from the Tennessee Williams' play with Elizabeth Taylor and oh so hot Paul Newman. Really intense.
-Team America World Police: Social commentary+marionettes+marionette sex=good time. I know my calculus.

TV
-Sex and the City dvds, early seasons: It had been awhile since I had seen these, so it was like watching all the mistakes with Big and Aidan anew again.
-Black Adder: Britcom with Rowan Atkinson that's "sharper than a page of Oscar Wilde witticisms that's been folded into a point, sprinkled with lemon juice, and jabbed into someone's eye!" Or maybe that's just me.

Music
-Anything conducted by Leonard Bernstein: You can seeee the music when he conducts, I swear! Especially Mozart's Requiem.
-Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah": really, really haunting.
-"All These Things That I've Done" - The Killers: Because it has a gospel choir. Any rock song with a gospel choir is alright with me.
-Lesser-known covers of Beatles songs, particularly Aretha Franklin's "Eleanor Rigby" and Wilson Pickett's "Hey Jude"
-Otis Redding: His voice is so good that all he needs is a metronome for background music. Really refreshing in contrast to today's overproduced shit.
-Speaking of overproduced, Gwen Stefani: Her songs are really, really fun. I don't care if it's BANANAS.
-Any song with an organ intro. I'm really into the organ right now. Like "Your Time is Gonna Come" on Zeppelin I

Camping
-Utah is an incredibly and surprisingly beautiful state. Zion National Park in South Utah is probably as stunning as the Grand Canyon, but nowhere near as touristy. Plus the lodge sells "Polygamy Porter" beer with the slogans "Bring some home to the wives" and "You can't have just one!"

Miscellaneous
-Try putting grapfruit in your salad.
-Yoga has amazing relaxing and focusing powers. I'm no floozie, it really does.

Quizzzzzzz

2005-06-04T06:07:49Z

Take this quiz, "What is Your World View?" It's pretty cool, and I really enjoy quizzes telling me who I am. It's just easier that way. I want to know what everyone got!

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=23320&first=yes

By the way, I'm a postmodernist! But most of my friends, so far, are cultural creatives.

Grzesik update!

2005-06-03T04:26:53Z

Good news! My sister is in the June InStyle with Katie Holmes on the cover! It's this article and photo spread called "Fantasy Fashion in Las Vegas" that features performers from the Cirque du Soleil 'O' show, which you all know from my incessant bragging that my sister plays cello for. She's on pg. 253 in full costume and makeup from the show, playing her cello, making this adorable "dramatic" scrunched-up pug face. She's on the fold and her name isn't listed, but she's in there!!

Report card!

2005-05-28T02:07:35Z

I finally got all of my grades back! I checked this morning to see if my european history teacher had finally uploaded the grades, and I got an A! That's a 3.78 for the semester and a 3.55 cumulative, even with last semester's calculus catastrophe!! I really think it's a combination of not leaving the library for a week before finals, luck, and "favors" for my professors. But don't tell anyone about the last one, teehee. Btw, Professor Plaa was hot hot hot.

Juuuuust kidding. Or am I?

Booooooooooooored

2005-05-19T09:08:42Z

I'm in Vegas right now and I'm so bored. Right now I'm trying to figure out the difference between boredom and relaxation. I'd much rather be back at school right now, even with all the homework and work work. I need to find new ways to occupy myself or something. Any ideas? I've already watched about 15 episodes of Sex and the City and I've gained about 3 pounds from guacamole alone. Anyway, I can't wait till my nanny gig in the Hamptons. Even though I have to separate the fights over the remote, it's not too bad, the pay is amazing, and the family is surprisingly functional. So far. Plus I'm pretty excited to get a tan and drive their Beamer. Woot. Until then I'm going to visit my friend in L.A. and go camping in south Utah, preferably away from the scary polygamy mormans. And can someone please comment on my posting? Anyone?

I wanna stay 18 forever

2005-05-14T14:49:31Z

It's just supposed to be another day, but it's the day I'm leaving. It's such a strange feeling that I can't even quantify it. Everything has gone so fast and there's so many people I didn't get to say goodbye to. It's one thing to leave and know you're going somewhere better or leaving behind something that should be left in the past, but I'm leaving some of the best times in my life. I know I still have 3 years of school left, but there's something untouchable about freshman year; you think no one knows you're a freshman, that you can do anything, that it's such a big school, and that no one knows knows anyone. In time you learn that everyone can tell you're new, that actions have reprecussions, that the school is indeed tiny, and that everyone knows everyone, especially in the worst ways. But in that ignorance of freshmaness, there truly is bliss. And that's a feeling you'll never have again. There will never be another time with such beautiful obliviousness, and I guess that's what I'm sad about. I've spent my whole life wanting to grow up, so it's a strange feeling to want to stay at this place, at this age. Perhaps it's because I know I'm maturing, but with that inevitably comes getting older and jaded. I know that next year will be memorable in its own way and I'll get to learn from all of my mistakes from this year, so many, but for today I'll look back fondly at all of my firsts, and such a goddamn great city and school to have them at. I know this journal writing is oh so serious and will probably be scanned instead of read, but it just needed to be said. Someday I'll look back very fondly to my freshman year in New York, and that day is today and many other days, until I die. Or get dimentia. Yes, still capable of joking.

yoursforeva @ 2005-04-24T20:31:00

2005-04-25T00:36:45Z

I'm totally procrastinating right now. I'm supposed to be writing a paper comparing Virginia Woolf's writing style to the French Neoclassical composers Erik Satie and Francis Poulenc. I came up with the idea myself but it's absolute shit. Murky ass shit. I just went to the symphony with my sister and saw this 17 year old piano prodigy. I thought I would be overcome with raging jealousy of his natural talents, but for some reason I wasn't astounded. His technique was perfect but something was missing from his perfectly-placed accents and perfectly-executed runs. Soul was missing. I don't admire prodigies at all anymore. I finally saw Annie Hall and it was funny. Oh and I kissed my 8th boy of the fiscal school year! Yeah, that last comment was put in purely so I will get comments on my journal entry because no one ever EVA comments! Boo.

Oh, jobs

2005-04-15T16:43:33Z

So I'm writing from work today. Everyone is gone at some open house shit so it's just the students and the back office people left. There's nothing for me to do, so I ask around, and the lady tells me to do whatever I want and play solitaire and if they come back, to pretend to be doing something. That's pretty cool, right? Although my computer card game of choice is Hearts, I'm getting pretty bored. What I really want to do is have a dance party. Alas.

questions? i'm ron burgundy?

2005-04-04T00:36:00Z

It's really fun switching the mind games around. The tables have turned and it is sweet. Being all cool and collected while the other person is upset is really rewarding for some reason. I mean, if I suffered, shouldn't they suffer too? To teach them a lesson? Especially if this person is a former womanizer? Does this mean I'm going to hell? Was I already going to hell?

All grown up

2005-03-29T20:23:13Z

Can anyone help me with my taxes?! FAFSA?!! Life?!?!?!

Mind games

2005-03-27T01:06:41Z

New York, as much as I love it, is ridden with people who love to have an intellectual or emotional edge over others. This can be seen in the classroom, in friendships close and casual, and in relationships. Learning how to spot such activity and to combat it with your own mind-playing identity is really an acquired and necessary skill. Although it drives you nuts, it keeps you on your toes, as cliche and tired as that phrase is. Perhaps that is why this dancer so enjoys such a place where balance is always sought for but often never acquired. But the payoff is priceless, if it ever comes around. Until then I'll sip the already-opened wine I acquired from my bartending job and drink to days ahead of scheming success.